I very rarely write about sports. It's not that I'm not passionate about them, I am. I've woken up at 4 AM to watch Australian Open matches. I've worn face paint and screamed my throat sore at a football game. I'm the proud owner of a single Latrell Sprewell and Patrick Ewing sock (lets be honest, more then one of either is a waste of money).
I avoid sports writing because no matter what it pisses 95% of readers off. Or more accurately, makes people irrationally lose their shit. You pick the wrong sport (like admitting to love tennis) - people lose their shit. You praise the wrong team or player - shit is lost. You praise the RIGHT team or player in the WRONG way - shit cannot be found. You make abstract connections or comparisons, incorporate too many stats, not enough stats, personal anecdotes, future predictions, past correlations, or anything that would normally be a sound method of analysis - BYE BYE POOP.
But this blog has all been about new things for me. And with there potentially - AT MAX - being only two more games in the NBA season, it seems like a perfect time to try my hand at "basketball blogging." Or as I'll call my future column: "The Hard-Wood Hard-On."
1) Kyrie Irving is a Basketball Assassin.
There were a bunch of big takeaways from last night's game. The Cavs proved they could win a game at Oracle Arena when it mattered most. Andrew Bogut showed us that you can writhe on the floor for twenty minutes before anyone will help you. Mo Williams proved that he is still in the NBA. But the biggest takeaway from the night was that Kyrie Irving is one of the most ridiculous offensive weapons the NBA has ever seen.
Exhibit A: The "Fuck It, This Is Going In"
This is not even the video I was looking for. I think the most ridiculous play of the night was with 7:30 left in the fourth quarter; the Warriors - as always - poised to play catch up. Irving drove, did about a 720 spin move into Klay Thompson, got the bucket, the foul, and killed Golden States' potential for momentum. He just kept doing that. DAGGERS. Off the backboard, or from three, or after nearly falling down on the court. He could not miss.
It's a performance that will probably be forgotten if/when the Cavaliers lose, but should not be. I don't care how great Lebron played, Kyrie won his team this game. Sincerely believe that. If he's not there Lebron has a forgettable fourth, and the Warriors take home another championship. He's - at least - delayed that.
2) Draymond Green is Lebrontinite (Lebron Kryptonite)
Last night we finally got a peak at Angry Lebron. It's that absurd vicious killer version he only seems to whip out on special occasions (See: Heat V. Celtics Game 6) that refuses to be denied. It's the first time we've seen it in the finals, and I truly believe it only happened because Draymond Green was off the floor.
We make a big deal that Lebron can enter this cheat mode whenever he wants, but there's a reason its not the norm. He needs to generate points at the rim, impose his physicality, and get the other team to ease a few steps back on his jumper. None of that happens with Green on the floor. Green can handle him at the rim, denies his penetration, and makes him work for every point. And on top of that, he just gets under his skin. Whatever it is - my bet is the constant fear of groin kicking - it takes Lebron off his game. He can't get the points he wants, he can't generate momentum, and you can see him FEEL the moment slip away. It's pretty dope/horrible depending on your allegiances.
3) Steph Curry is Starting To Annoy Me
Steph Curry is a really great basketball player. I don't think anyone could rightly argue otherwise. He also seems like a fun, cool guy. I don't even want to make fun of the pubes he glues in and around his mouth as an attempt at a goatee. And that's saying A LOT. But it's funny to me that he's - again - been pretty absent in these NBA finals. I know his presence allows Golden States' other players the freedom to shoot better shots, and I'm aware he had a 38 point game just 4 days ago, but are we not going to hold him to higher standards?
I just think it's odd that we're not really talking about his shortcomings in the sports media realm. When Lebron has an off night - when he misses shots, or can't lead his team to victory down the stretch - it always seems like the blame falls hardest on him. Yet when Steph - a two time MVP now - is largely absent from the second half of the game, we don't hear anything about it. It's all about Kyrie and Lebron's greatness, or Draymond not playing. The guy went 8 for 21 with 4 turnovers. He missed a bunch of key shots and it really seemed like this was Klay's team the whole night. Even if they do win the championship, is he the guy who gets the MVP? Does it fall to him just out of a lack of candidates? Why aren't we tearing this debate apart? Maybe because...
4) These Narrative Changes Suck Balls
This is another reason I hate writing about sports - especially in a "series" type of event. The media gets hung up on something it can analyze and track during every game. And between games. And in the lead up to more games. 9 out of 10 times it's all proved an asinine anomaly by the next game. I know that's the unfortunate nature of the beast, but good Lord that's annoying.
Do you guys remember how Channing Frye was the greatest in-season acquisition of all time? How his 3-point shot was unstoppable? He's had two points the entire series. How about how Durant and Westbrook were demolishing the Warriors? Then lost the series. Or how Cleveland was going to sweep Toronto, lost two games and was suddenly going to lose the series, then won two more to handle business? Here are the only three plot lines you need to follow for this series:
a) Cleveland and Golden State really want to win a title.
b) The game they play is basketball.
c) Draymond Green wants to destroy all penises.
That's all that matters every game. My only possible addition would be d) Paul Pierce is not a thing. Stop trying to make him a thing.
5) I Hate How Announcers Are Branded
Speaking of announcer difficulties... I hate how correspondents, anchors, and commentators are all the property of a certain specific network. Mainly because the ABC team is just generic and boring. I'm a homer for Van Gundy - because he frequently decides to just not give a crap - and Jalen Rose is always fun to listen to. But good God the rest of this team puts me to bed. Mark Jackson sounds like he's four Ambien deep every night, and I don't know if Mike Breen has seen a basketball game before. I think if they'd let him he'd defer questions to members of the crowd.
I miss Kenny, Shaq, Charles, and even Reggie. They're not the best announcers - for technique and such other important "things" - but they're fun and exciting. I think all announcers should be "free agents," and they should be selected for each individual game. You could pick fun announcers, good announcers, or relevant announcers. I kind of would love to hear what former Warriors Star Latrell Sprewell thinks about the team now. Or lets cut all sense of reasonable decision making and get Steph Marbury. I want to hear what he thinks about EVERYTHING. Why are we limited in our choices? Can we not do better?
6) BONUS ROUND
Six things to watch for in Game Six:
- Draymond Green returns, so put away them groins.
- Richard Jefferson is playing like he just left the Nets yesterday, and wants to prove it wasn't his fault they sucked. If that keeps up the Cavs could win it all.
- Anderson Varejao will attempt his greatest feat, flopping to crowd noise.
- Tyronn Lue will try out a new coaching technique. It's called coaching.
- Steph Curry's mouth guard will finally escape, and seek revenge.
- Mike Breen will confuse Tristan and Klay Thompson 325 times in 48 minutes of basketball.
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