As we're now less than a month out from the 2016 Summer Olympics, there's a lot of talk about the potential pitfalls of the Rio Games. To put it kindly, Brazil is a "Horrible Hellscape Butt-F@#ked Six Ways From Sunday." And that Sunday's weather is "cloudy with a chance of cataclysm."
The country's just falling apart. There's political upheaval/revolution, collapsing infrastructure, pollution issues, social unrest, and the looming threat of a communicable disease outbreak. And that's without introducing one of the world's largest, most complex, and emotionally charged sporting events to the mix. It's a very bleak and disheartening situation. And that may be the "best case scenario" view point.
Is there a way to fix the games? Is there a way to push past the issues and make this one of the best Olympics of recent memory? Of course there is. And I - a slightly employed man in his late twenties - of course have the five step plan that should fix everything.
1) Embrace the Chaos
Let's be honest with ourselves here; there is no way we're going to fix Rio before the Games arrive. Sure, we "could" waste our time on "solving" the bigger issues and making "proactive choices" to ensure the safest and must successful games we can feasibly produce. But, WHERE THE HECK IS THE FUN IN THAT.
Let's just bathe ourselves in the sweet perfumed haze of anarchy. Instead of trying to fix the polluted waters of the the sailing and rowing events, let's amp up the dumping. You got trash in your house just float it on down. How much more fun would the Men's Lightweight Four prelims be if teams had to row through obstacles. Wouldn't you be more inclined to watch the Canoe Sprint finals if you knew that crippling bowel movements and nausea we're a mid-race probability? The biggest question is why are we still doing the indoor swimming INDOORS? You want to see Michael Phelps set another world record? Don't you think there's a better chance of that if he knows prolonged exposure to the water could cause Hepatitis and severe brain damage?
Changes like this just need to be implemented across the board. Let the power issues at the gymnastics center persist. Nothing spices up an Uneven Bars routine like the threat of a blackout during a bar transfer. Move the Marathon and other long distances races to that bike path that collapsed last month, That's just a no-brainer. And don't be afraid to get creative! Bring in mosquitoes for the start of every track and field race. Maybe re-animate those dead bodies on the outdoor volleyball court. The sky's the limit! And even that's negotiable with the right balance of "sticktuitiveness" and rocket engineering.
2) Find Hope with Dope
Although it's not really a fault of Brazil or it's collapsing society, doping is going to be another big issue at the games. Nearly the entire Russian Delegation (save for two athletes) has been banned from competition, and numerous other singular competitors from other nations have been excluded because of positive tests and violations. Plus there's the ever-looming threat that an athlete previously cleared tests positive AT the games.
What I propose is that we invite all these athletes to compete, BUT, add new carefully calculated restrictions and caveats that try to mitigate their competitive advantages. Are you a runner that tested positive? You can still compete at your events, but you now have to carry a small 5-6 pound Howler Monkey on your back. What about a gymnast who got busted for HGH? Don't worry, you're still on the squad. We've just shaved another inch off the width of your balance beam. We could require cheating power lifters to wear Skechers Step Ups, throw some KY-Jelly on the grips of a PED using Pole Vaulter's pole, insist that banned table tennis pros wear old-timey roller skates. The new policy will be cheaters CAN play. The game is just going to be a lot more complex.
3) Let's Get Physical Political
The political and social climate in Brazil is going to be a tense scene. There's going to be a lot of poor and disenfranchised people who don't want the Games or it's athletes there, a bunch of tourists and visitors unsure of how to interact with them, and about 80,000 police officers and military personnel on-site just to add fire-arms and potential force to the mixture. Everyone is going to be on edge, and smart athletes who are given a platform to talk are going to try and avoid getting themselves entangled in the mess.
Let's not let them. Let's hand every athlete we can a mic and ask them heated political and social questions. Better yet, let's let the citizens themselves ask them. Maybe in their native Portuguese! Don't you want to hear what Usain Bolt has to say about the impeachment proceedings of Dilma Rousseff? Or 19 year old Simone Biles' opinions on the socio-political impact of creating potentially unnecessary infrastructure during an economic crisis? I know I would. Especially as she sits next to a Wheaties box in front of several thousand irate Brazilians. Viva la chaos!
4) Free Tickets
Which speaking of, let's get more angry Brazilians in the stands. Ticket sales have been under-performing to this point, for many obvious reasons. Why not fill those seats with native Brazilians? Give those people who need it most a distraction from the tumult and unrest around them. And do it for free. It's a great gift for a people that need it, and a brilliant PR move for a country that could definitely use some good news on the AP wire.
And we'd get several thousand rowdy Brazilians showing up to all types of athletic events. I'd obviously love to see what disorder and pandemonium they could add to already popular events, but I'm most intrigued by what they could add to the lesser known and appreciated sports. A couple extra thousand homeless individuals watching the pomp and circumstance of a Dressage routine? Five thousand incensed, passionate, possibly drunk men at a Women's Team Synchronized Swimming performance? WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!
5) Make Every Event A "Winner Leaves Town" Showdown
I know, I saved the best for last. This idea is a must. If you want to see athletes rise to new heights - achieve records and times we never thought possible - they need to be incentivized. And what better incentive could there be then, "if you don't win, you don't go home." Competitors would fight tooth and nail to insure that they stood atop the podium. It would be amazing spectacle.
And what's even better, is that Brazil would inherit a new group of citizens to help rebuild their country with. Citizens who are strong, tough, agile, and probably great at manual labor. That's just a win-win-win. Can't wait to see it announced during the opening ceremonies!
Showing posts with label Sports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sports. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Friday, June 17, 2016
Six Thoughts On Game Six
I know. If there's one thing we were all hoping for it was a Warriors win and an end to these "attempts" at a sports post. But, tradition is tradition. What kind of sports journalist would I be if I abandoned a promise I randomly made after the fifth game of a seven game series? Definitely not the journalist I set out to be, three days ago, as I slowly tried to recover from a hangover. Let's get to it!
That's right. Team ABC gets a loan from TNT/ESPN and gets Craig Sager to be a part of the broadcast. A few thoughts here on this GREAT idea. First, thank you to Craig for giving credit where credit is due. You can clearly see him mouth "Thank you Andrew, my hero" in the above video. That helps Craig, it really does. Especially as ABC didn't even bother to give me a throwaway "attaboy." Secondly, if you didn't support my idea for "Free Agent" announcers for new blood and excitement, you should support it for this. Despite dressing like a couch fabric pattern in an early SIMS game, the man is a legend. The fact that he can go thirty years - at the top of his field - without ever getting to announce a Finals game is ludicrous. It should be about who makes the game better, or deserves to be there. Not about whose contract is owned by which network.
I'm a little bummed that it didn't degrade into a full scale meltdown - because him missing game 7 on a double technical would have been a ridiculous story line - but I love what we were given. Especially the mouth guard throw. You don't really get it from this angle, but... oh, screw it. What's one more video?
I mean that toss - and ensuing super manly recoil - is glorious. I just loved the whole scene. Nothing makes me happier then chaos.
5) Lebron and the MVP dilemma
I guess I should come clean a bit here before this one. I'm a sucker for Lebron. I'm well aware of all of his faults and disappointing performances over the years, but he's still one of the best to play the game. And I believe he's done it under more pressure and scrutiny then any of the other greats. Honestly, can you come up with another player so highly praised out of high school that delivered this well on the promises? I can't. And I know at least three to four other athletes by name.
So I believe that Lebron should have won MVP last year in the finals. I understand how MVP has become synomous with being on the winning side, but I don't think it should be that way. His stats were a stratosphere above Iguodala, and he single handedly took that series from a Warriors sweep to a competitive six game series. If the Warriors win this year - and if Lebron plays in line with his stats so far this series - I think he deserves it again. I mean, look at the numbers:
1) THEY TOOK MY IDEA!
Let's get right to the important stuff people. During the last of my only other sports column I made a decidedly angry point about branded announcers and commentators. The short version: I don't appreciate how these guys are all assigned to (and owned by) various networks. Especially because I think the ABC staff is a bit tame for my taste and lacks the pizazz/showmanship/absurdist comedy of say the " The NBA On TNT" crew. And then look what happens during the very next game:
Let's get right to the important stuff people. During the last of my only other sports column I made a decidedly angry point about branded announcers and commentators. The short version: I don't appreciate how these guys are all assigned to (and owned by) various networks. Especially because I think the ABC staff is a bit tame for my taste and lacks the pizazz/showmanship/absurdist comedy of say the " The NBA On TNT" crew. And then look what happens during the very next game:
That's right. Team ABC gets a loan from TNT/ESPN and gets Craig Sager to be a part of the broadcast. A few thoughts here on this GREAT idea. First, thank you to Craig for giving credit where credit is due. You can clearly see him mouth "Thank you Andrew, my hero" in the above video. That helps Craig, it really does. Especially as ABC didn't even bother to give me a throwaway "attaboy." Secondly, if you didn't support my idea for "Free Agent" announcers for new blood and excitement, you should support it for this. Despite dressing like a couch fabric pattern in an early SIMS game, the man is a legend. The fact that he can go thirty years - at the top of his field - without ever getting to announce a Finals game is ludicrous. It should be about who makes the game better, or deserves to be there. Not about whose contract is owned by which network.
2) Iman Shumpert's Hair Is Next Level Bonkers
As a New York Knicks fan - or as we call ourselves during most seasons, "mourner" - I've been well acquainted with the hair stylings of Iman Shumpert for quite some time. As a baseline, this is what you should normally expect:
As a New York Knicks fan - or as we call ourselves during most seasons, "mourner" - I've been well acquainted with the hair stylings of Iman Shumpert for quite some time. As a baseline, this is what you should normally expect:
That's one hell of a flat top. It's not really "absurd" in any way, unless of course he doesn't impersonate the lead characters from House Party 1,2, or 3, in his spare time. When he's been in the playoffs before he has added a touch of razzle-dazzle. He's carved in lightning bolts on the side, and once he subbed the "flat" top for a " "half-slanted debacle of a" top. Still, this year's hair takes the cake.
I sat through most of this haircut thinking it was just a slightly off-kilter "man bun." That's not a great style either, but it's not a completely unique entity. This thing is. If you look closely, it's really just a tuft of long hair, pulled from some weird off-center patch of hair he intently left for this sole purpose. I ask "why?" And also, "why?" He looks like a poorly groomed poodle. I love it.
3) Tristan Thompson is Worth Every Penny
In the off-season there was a big debate about the Cavs re-signing Tristan Thompson. He's a great young player, a workhorse, and a dependable double-double machine. Still, he lacks a really developed offensive game. He's a great rebounder (especially on the offensive end), but wanted to be paid like a two way star. The Cavs - with a ton of support from Lebron - ended up hammering out a costly deal to keep him. Last night he proved that investment was worth every freaking cent.
That wasn't just a one-off play either. He hustled all night, had some great rebounds and dunks, and made the Warriors pay when they left him unguarded in the paint. He will be the difference in Game 7. If he plays like that - and with Bogut now out - the Warriors don't have an answer for him. That's huge when Golden State really owns the better half of almost every other match up out there.
4) Steph Curry - Angry Tyke
Is it just me, or are announcer jinxes the best thing on the planet? Steph got two early fouls last night and, sadly, it changed the entire complexion of the game. He didn't get to play much of the first half, probably cost his team at least a chance to cut into the Cavs lead, and with him on the bench things were just a little less interesting. When he came back in the third and notched another quick foul, all the announcers could talk about was how he had NEVER fouled out of a professional basketball game. That of course led to this:
In the off-season there was a big debate about the Cavs re-signing Tristan Thompson. He's a great young player, a workhorse, and a dependable double-double machine. Still, he lacks a really developed offensive game. He's a great rebounder (especially on the offensive end), but wanted to be paid like a two way star. The Cavs - with a ton of support from Lebron - ended up hammering out a costly deal to keep him. Last night he proved that investment was worth every freaking cent.
That wasn't just a one-off play either. He hustled all night, had some great rebounds and dunks, and made the Warriors pay when they left him unguarded in the paint. He will be the difference in Game 7. If he plays like that - and with Bogut now out - the Warriors don't have an answer for him. That's huge when Golden State really owns the better half of almost every other match up out there.
4) Steph Curry - Angry Tyke
Is it just me, or are announcer jinxes the best thing on the planet? Steph got two early fouls last night and, sadly, it changed the entire complexion of the game. He didn't get to play much of the first half, probably cost his team at least a chance to cut into the Cavs lead, and with him on the bench things were just a little less interesting. When he came back in the third and notched another quick foul, all the announcers could talk about was how he had NEVER fouled out of a professional basketball game. That of course led to this:
I'm a little bummed that it didn't degrade into a full scale meltdown - because him missing game 7 on a double technical would have been a ridiculous story line - but I love what we were given. Especially the mouth guard throw. You don't really get it from this angle, but... oh, screw it. What's one more video?
I mean that toss - and ensuing super manly recoil - is glorious. I just loved the whole scene. Nothing makes me happier then chaos.
5) Lebron and the MVP dilemma
I guess I should come clean a bit here before this one. I'm a sucker for Lebron. I'm well aware of all of his faults and disappointing performances over the years, but he's still one of the best to play the game. And I believe he's done it under more pressure and scrutiny then any of the other greats. Honestly, can you come up with another player so highly praised out of high school that delivered this well on the promises? I can't. And I know at least three to four other athletes by name.
So I believe that Lebron should have won MVP last year in the finals. I understand how MVP has become synomous with being on the winning side, but I don't think it should be that way. His stats were a stratosphere above Iguodala, and he single handedly took that series from a Warriors sweep to a competitive six game series. If the Warriors win this year - and if Lebron plays in line with his stats so far this series - I think he deserves it again. I mean, look at the numbers:
The man is first (or tied for first) in every major stat. ON BOTH TEAMS. If he doesn't deserve the MVP, then who does? Is it just a race between whichever Splash Brother puts up the most points in Game 7? Isn't "because it has to go to somebody on the Warriors" a horrible argument for MVP?King James, indeed. pic.twitter.com/A3o4c9KZFf— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) June 17, 2016
6) Great Story Lines
Say what you will about the results of Game 6 or the series so far, but Game 7 is going to have some of the best story lines ever. Can the Warriors hold off the Cavs and win back to back championships? Can the Cavs avenge last season's loss? Can they become the first ever team to come back from a 3-1 deficit in the finals? Can Steph rebound from his foul woes in game 6? Will Kevin Love prove his doubters wrong, or right? Will Lebron be able to meet the pressure one more time or collapse under its weight?
This is what playoff basketball is all about. An absurd amount of pressure, a ridiculous multitude of legacies on the line, all confined to one 48 minute game. I don't know of anything so miraculous and wonderful. It's certainly the only thing out there that could make me cancel a Father's Day dinner, and postpone GOT episode 9 by like 3 hours. That's saying A LOT.
7) BONUS ROUND
Seven things to watch for in Game Seven:
- Andre Iguodala''s back injury. If Iggy can't play at 60% or above, that's catastrophic for the Warriors.
- Draymond Green didn't even nudge one "bait and tackle set" last night. I assume he feared the eyes of road refs. Back at Oracle the gloves will be off. The dick punching gloves, of course.
- Lebron James under pressure. Win or Lose, he will face the most individual scrutiny BY FAR. He knows it too. How will he handle that?
- Iguodala's back injury. Seriously guys, this is a huge deal. Can he play, and play well?
- Anderson Varejao's flopping masterclass continues. Word on the street, he's going to try and take a charge from a ref this game.
- How aggressive will Curry be? And I of course mean Ayesha Curry. I think she's going to shiv a ref, no joke.
- IGGY'S FREAKING BACK. WE DON'T NEED TO BE TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.
Say what you will about the results of Game 6 or the series so far, but Game 7 is going to have some of the best story lines ever. Can the Warriors hold off the Cavs and win back to back championships? Can the Cavs avenge last season's loss? Can they become the first ever team to come back from a 3-1 deficit in the finals? Can Steph rebound from his foul woes in game 6? Will Kevin Love prove his doubters wrong, or right? Will Lebron be able to meet the pressure one more time or collapse under its weight?
This is what playoff basketball is all about. An absurd amount of pressure, a ridiculous multitude of legacies on the line, all confined to one 48 minute game. I don't know of anything so miraculous and wonderful. It's certainly the only thing out there that could make me cancel a Father's Day dinner, and postpone GOT episode 9 by like 3 hours. That's saying A LOT.
7) BONUS ROUND
Seven things to watch for in Game Seven:
- Andre Iguodala''s back injury. If Iggy can't play at 60% or above, that's catastrophic for the Warriors.
- Draymond Green didn't even nudge one "bait and tackle set" last night. I assume he feared the eyes of road refs. Back at Oracle the gloves will be off. The dick punching gloves, of course.
- Lebron James under pressure. Win or Lose, he will face the most individual scrutiny BY FAR. He knows it too. How will he handle that?
- Iguodala's back injury. Seriously guys, this is a huge deal. Can he play, and play well?
- Anderson Varejao's flopping masterclass continues. Word on the street, he's going to try and take a charge from a ref this game.
- How aggressive will Curry be? And I of course mean Ayesha Curry. I think she's going to shiv a ref, no joke.
- IGGY'S FREAKING BACK. WE DON'T NEED TO BE TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Five Thoughts On Game Five
And we're now off the beaten path.
I very rarely write about sports. It's not that I'm not passionate about them, I am. I've woken up at 4 AM to watch Australian Open matches. I've worn face paint and screamed my throat sore at a football game. I'm the proud owner of a single Latrell Sprewell and Patrick Ewing sock (lets be honest, more then one of either is a waste of money).
I avoid sports writing because no matter what it pisses 95% of readers off. Or more accurately, makes people irrationally lose their shit. You pick the wrong sport (like admitting to love tennis) - people lose their shit. You praise the wrong team or player - shit is lost. You praise the RIGHT team or player in the WRONG way - shit cannot be found. You make abstract connections or comparisons, incorporate too many stats, not enough stats, personal anecdotes, future predictions, past correlations, or anything that would normally be a sound method of analysis - BYE BYE POOP.
But this blog has all been about new things for me. And with there potentially - AT MAX - being only two more games in the NBA season, it seems like a perfect time to try my hand at "basketball blogging." Or as I'll call my future column: "The Hard-Wood Hard-On."
1) Kyrie Irving is a Basketball Assassin.
There were a bunch of big takeaways from last night's game. The Cavs proved they could win a game at Oracle Arena when it mattered most. Andrew Bogut showed us that you can writhe on the floor for twenty minutes before anyone will help you. Mo Williams proved that he is still in the NBA. But the biggest takeaway from the night was that Kyrie Irving is one of the most ridiculous offensive weapons the NBA has ever seen.
Exhibit A: The "Fuck It, This Is Going In"
This is not even the video I was looking for. I think the most ridiculous play of the night was with 7:30 left in the fourth quarter; the Warriors - as always - poised to play catch up. Irving drove, did about a 720 spin move into Klay Thompson, got the bucket, the foul, and killed Golden States' potential for momentum. He just kept doing that. DAGGERS. Off the backboard, or from three, or after nearly falling down on the court. He could not miss.
It's a performance that will probably be forgotten if/when the Cavaliers lose, but should not be. I don't care how great Lebron played, Kyrie won his team this game. Sincerely believe that. If he's not there Lebron has a forgettable fourth, and the Warriors take home another championship. He's - at least - delayed that.
2) Draymond Green is Lebrontinite (Lebron Kryptonite)
Last night we finally got a peak at Angry Lebron. It's that absurd vicious killer version he only seems to whip out on special occasions (See: Heat V. Celtics Game 6) that refuses to be denied. It's the first time we've seen it in the finals, and I truly believe it only happened because Draymond Green was off the floor.
We make a big deal that Lebron can enter this cheat mode whenever he wants, but there's a reason its not the norm. He needs to generate points at the rim, impose his physicality, and get the other team to ease a few steps back on his jumper. None of that happens with Green on the floor. Green can handle him at the rim, denies his penetration, and makes him work for every point. And on top of that, he just gets under his skin. Whatever it is - my bet is the constant fear of groin kicking - it takes Lebron off his game. He can't get the points he wants, he can't generate momentum, and you can see him FEEL the moment slip away. It's pretty dope/horrible depending on your allegiances.
3) Steph Curry is Starting To Annoy Me
Steph Curry is a really great basketball player. I don't think anyone could rightly argue otherwise. He also seems like a fun, cool guy. I don't even want to make fun of the pubes he glues in and around his mouth as an attempt at a goatee. And that's saying A LOT. But it's funny to me that he's - again - been pretty absent in these NBA finals. I know his presence allows Golden States' other players the freedom to shoot better shots, and I'm aware he had a 38 point game just 4 days ago, but are we not going to hold him to higher standards?
I just think it's odd that we're not really talking about his shortcomings in the sports media realm. When Lebron has an off night - when he misses shots, or can't lead his team to victory down the stretch - it always seems like the blame falls hardest on him. Yet when Steph - a two time MVP now - is largely absent from the second half of the game, we don't hear anything about it. It's all about Kyrie and Lebron's greatness, or Draymond not playing. The guy went 8 for 21 with 4 turnovers. He missed a bunch of key shots and it really seemed like this was Klay's team the whole night. Even if they do win the championship, is he the guy who gets the MVP? Does it fall to him just out of a lack of candidates? Why aren't we tearing this debate apart? Maybe because...
4) These Narrative Changes Suck Balls
This is another reason I hate writing about sports - especially in a "series" type of event. The media gets hung up on something it can analyze and track during every game. And between games. And in the lead up to more games. 9 out of 10 times it's all proved an asinine anomaly by the next game. I know that's the unfortunate nature of the beast, but good Lord that's annoying.
Do you guys remember how Channing Frye was the greatest in-season acquisition of all time? How his 3-point shot was unstoppable? He's had two points the entire series. How about how Durant and Westbrook were demolishing the Warriors? Then lost the series. Or how Cleveland was going to sweep Toronto, lost two games and was suddenly going to lose the series, then won two more to handle business? Here are the only three plot lines you need to follow for this series:
That's all that matters every game. My only possible addition would be d) Paul Pierce is not a thing. Stop trying to make him a thing.
5) I Hate How Announcers Are Branded
Speaking of announcer difficulties... I hate how correspondents, anchors, and commentators are all the property of a certain specific network. Mainly because the ABC team is just generic and boring. I'm a homer for Van Gundy - because he frequently decides to just not give a crap - and Jalen Rose is always fun to listen to. But good God the rest of this team puts me to bed. Mark Jackson sounds like he's four Ambien deep every night, and I don't know if Mike Breen has seen a basketball game before. I think if they'd let him he'd defer questions to members of the crowd.
I miss Kenny, Shaq, Charles, and even Reggie. They're not the best announcers - for technique and such other important "things" - but they're fun and exciting. I think all announcers should be "free agents," and they should be selected for each individual game. You could pick fun announcers, good announcers, or relevant announcers. I kind of would love to hear what former Warriors Star Latrell Sprewell thinks about the team now. Or lets cut all sense of reasonable decision making and get Steph Marbury. I want to hear what he thinks about EVERYTHING. Why are we limited in our choices? Can we not do better?
6) BONUS ROUND
Six things to watch for in Game Six:
- Draymond Green returns, so put away them groins.
- Richard Jefferson is playing like he just left the Nets yesterday, and wants to prove it wasn't his fault they sucked. If that keeps up the Cavs could win it all.
- Anderson Varejao will attempt his greatest feat, flopping to crowd noise.
- Tyronn Lue will try out a new coaching technique. It's called coaching.
- Steph Curry's mouth guard will finally escape, and seek revenge.
- Mike Breen will confuse Tristan and Klay Thompson 325 times in 48 minutes of basketball.
I very rarely write about sports. It's not that I'm not passionate about them, I am. I've woken up at 4 AM to watch Australian Open matches. I've worn face paint and screamed my throat sore at a football game. I'm the proud owner of a single Latrell Sprewell and Patrick Ewing sock (lets be honest, more then one of either is a waste of money).
I avoid sports writing because no matter what it pisses 95% of readers off. Or more accurately, makes people irrationally lose their shit. You pick the wrong sport (like admitting to love tennis) - people lose their shit. You praise the wrong team or player - shit is lost. You praise the RIGHT team or player in the WRONG way - shit cannot be found. You make abstract connections or comparisons, incorporate too many stats, not enough stats, personal anecdotes, future predictions, past correlations, or anything that would normally be a sound method of analysis - BYE BYE POOP.
But this blog has all been about new things for me. And with there potentially - AT MAX - being only two more games in the NBA season, it seems like a perfect time to try my hand at "basketball blogging." Or as I'll call my future column: "The Hard-Wood Hard-On."
1) Kyrie Irving is a Basketball Assassin.
There were a bunch of big takeaways from last night's game. The Cavs proved they could win a game at Oracle Arena when it mattered most. Andrew Bogut showed us that you can writhe on the floor for twenty minutes before anyone will help you. Mo Williams proved that he is still in the NBA. But the biggest takeaway from the night was that Kyrie Irving is one of the most ridiculous offensive weapons the NBA has ever seen.
Exhibit A: The "Fuck It, This Is Going In"
This is not even the video I was looking for. I think the most ridiculous play of the night was with 7:30 left in the fourth quarter; the Warriors - as always - poised to play catch up. Irving drove, did about a 720 spin move into Klay Thompson, got the bucket, the foul, and killed Golden States' potential for momentum. He just kept doing that. DAGGERS. Off the backboard, or from three, or after nearly falling down on the court. He could not miss.
It's a performance that will probably be forgotten if/when the Cavaliers lose, but should not be. I don't care how great Lebron played, Kyrie won his team this game. Sincerely believe that. If he's not there Lebron has a forgettable fourth, and the Warriors take home another championship. He's - at least - delayed that.
2) Draymond Green is Lebrontinite (Lebron Kryptonite)
Last night we finally got a peak at Angry Lebron. It's that absurd vicious killer version he only seems to whip out on special occasions (See: Heat V. Celtics Game 6) that refuses to be denied. It's the first time we've seen it in the finals, and I truly believe it only happened because Draymond Green was off the floor.
We make a big deal that Lebron can enter this cheat mode whenever he wants, but there's a reason its not the norm. He needs to generate points at the rim, impose his physicality, and get the other team to ease a few steps back on his jumper. None of that happens with Green on the floor. Green can handle him at the rim, denies his penetration, and makes him work for every point. And on top of that, he just gets under his skin. Whatever it is - my bet is the constant fear of groin kicking - it takes Lebron off his game. He can't get the points he wants, he can't generate momentum, and you can see him FEEL the moment slip away. It's pretty dope/horrible depending on your allegiances.
3) Steph Curry is Starting To Annoy Me
Steph Curry is a really great basketball player. I don't think anyone could rightly argue otherwise. He also seems like a fun, cool guy. I don't even want to make fun of the pubes he glues in and around his mouth as an attempt at a goatee. And that's saying A LOT. But it's funny to me that he's - again - been pretty absent in these NBA finals. I know his presence allows Golden States' other players the freedom to shoot better shots, and I'm aware he had a 38 point game just 4 days ago, but are we not going to hold him to higher standards?
I just think it's odd that we're not really talking about his shortcomings in the sports media realm. When Lebron has an off night - when he misses shots, or can't lead his team to victory down the stretch - it always seems like the blame falls hardest on him. Yet when Steph - a two time MVP now - is largely absent from the second half of the game, we don't hear anything about it. It's all about Kyrie and Lebron's greatness, or Draymond not playing. The guy went 8 for 21 with 4 turnovers. He missed a bunch of key shots and it really seemed like this was Klay's team the whole night. Even if they do win the championship, is he the guy who gets the MVP? Does it fall to him just out of a lack of candidates? Why aren't we tearing this debate apart? Maybe because...
4) These Narrative Changes Suck Balls
This is another reason I hate writing about sports - especially in a "series" type of event. The media gets hung up on something it can analyze and track during every game. And between games. And in the lead up to more games. 9 out of 10 times it's all proved an asinine anomaly by the next game. I know that's the unfortunate nature of the beast, but good Lord that's annoying.
Do you guys remember how Channing Frye was the greatest in-season acquisition of all time? How his 3-point shot was unstoppable? He's had two points the entire series. How about how Durant and Westbrook were demolishing the Warriors? Then lost the series. Or how Cleveland was going to sweep Toronto, lost two games and was suddenly going to lose the series, then won two more to handle business? Here are the only three plot lines you need to follow for this series:
a) Cleveland and Golden State really want to win a title.
b) The game they play is basketball.
c) Draymond Green wants to destroy all penises.
That's all that matters every game. My only possible addition would be d) Paul Pierce is not a thing. Stop trying to make him a thing.
5) I Hate How Announcers Are Branded
Speaking of announcer difficulties... I hate how correspondents, anchors, and commentators are all the property of a certain specific network. Mainly because the ABC team is just generic and boring. I'm a homer for Van Gundy - because he frequently decides to just not give a crap - and Jalen Rose is always fun to listen to. But good God the rest of this team puts me to bed. Mark Jackson sounds like he's four Ambien deep every night, and I don't know if Mike Breen has seen a basketball game before. I think if they'd let him he'd defer questions to members of the crowd.
I miss Kenny, Shaq, Charles, and even Reggie. They're not the best announcers - for technique and such other important "things" - but they're fun and exciting. I think all announcers should be "free agents," and they should be selected for each individual game. You could pick fun announcers, good announcers, or relevant announcers. I kind of would love to hear what former Warriors Star Latrell Sprewell thinks about the team now. Or lets cut all sense of reasonable decision making and get Steph Marbury. I want to hear what he thinks about EVERYTHING. Why are we limited in our choices? Can we not do better?
6) BONUS ROUND
Six things to watch for in Game Six:
- Draymond Green returns, so put away them groins.
- Richard Jefferson is playing like he just left the Nets yesterday, and wants to prove it wasn't his fault they sucked. If that keeps up the Cavs could win it all.
- Anderson Varejao will attempt his greatest feat, flopping to crowd noise.
- Tyronn Lue will try out a new coaching technique. It's called coaching.
- Steph Curry's mouth guard will finally escape, and seek revenge.
- Mike Breen will confuse Tristan and Klay Thompson 325 times in 48 minutes of basketball.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)